Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
