Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Success! We fucked roommates!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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