FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
