there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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