census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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