Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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