We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
