we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
