We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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