you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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