you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
being pregnant is like rehab
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
