Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
