Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
