thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
