shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
