on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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