Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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