I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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