she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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