First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
