There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize