i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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