Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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