South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
