If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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