her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
