You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
