His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
