Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize