Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All the doctor said was why
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
