Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
