All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
