yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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