i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
