I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
