That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
