I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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