hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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