He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
