Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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