ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
