you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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