i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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