You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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