My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
