I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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