So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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