i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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