and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
