Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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