I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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