just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
