I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
