I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
