As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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