Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
