there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
