Its about making memories worth repressing
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize