And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
