I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
