Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
