I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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