My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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