Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
