I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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