you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize