my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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