so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
