Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
