I have demons in me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize