I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
