So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
