I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
