You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
