Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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